Love. 爱. It can be a really strong word for courage and it can also be a word for a destruction of a person heart. Ok, "destruction" as a word could be a lil' exaggerate but that's what I sometime feel deep inside of me. Maybe I should expect less, much much much less. With that, I wouldn't feel as discourage and disappointed as now. Seriously, I really don't get it. I clearly knows that I have a very sensitive heart. Heck, majority girls are sensitive. That's how we show how much we love and care about a particular person. I thought with what we've been through, you would know me better. But... no. You really disappoint me in many ways. I was wandering how much space in your heart that actually belongs to me? Is it too much to expect you to be a lil' bit more self conscious of what I truly feel in certain condition in our daily life? What are you trying to hide from? I'm tired of hiding and how it hiding feels. Don't ever say that you're not hiding from anything, because from the way I see it, there's still part of you that trying to hide. Why can't we talk normally in public like how we used to talk to each other. I don't expect you to exaggerate it, I just want to have a normal conversation with you no matter where we are. See.. expectation.. it kills!
Sigh. Clearly, you still don't understand me, don't understand what I want and what I expect us to be like. You don't care about how I feel, isn't it? So what if she is your old friend? So what if you accidentally met her? So what if she treats you? Was it important? Was it necessary for you to tell the world about it? Apparently, you can't even have a normal conversation with me in public view but you can tell the world all that unnecessary things huh? Wow. Friends are more important then lover huh? It's ok. I know where I'm standing now. Please don't promise me anything or even trying to explain it to me as I already know what matters the most to you. It's pointless by the way as I always believe that action speaks louder than words. You know what, starting from now onwards, every feeling of mine will be kept only to myself. Just how you like it as you find that talking about it is a waste of our time. It's ok. I'll just take it as a training. I need to be strong anyway. This heart need to learn to not be too vulnerable when dealing with such emotional issues. *Wipe tears and off to bed* Tomorrow will be better!
